On Saturday, May 16, 2009, history was made as the Surly Gurlies swept all three of their mini-games during the “Battle Royale” championship bout at the Castle Sports Club. The pirate-themed Surlys have always been underrated as a result of their 2008-2009 season record (they went 0-3 in regulation) when in fact, they have three of the strongest jammers in the league.
As the season was drawing to a close, AZRD decided to change their season format. Instead of normal season standings (which were marred by the April cancellation), AZRD decided to give all 4 teams a clean slate and have them battle it out in one night. All 4 teams would play in a round robin format of 20-minute mini-bouts.
Game 1 - Bruisers vs. Surly Gurlies
In the very first game of the Battle Royale, the Surly Gurlies would come out screaming with a 4 point jam by Rayna Rage and a 9 point jam by Diana Saurus Wrexx. Then Surly jammer, Gratuitous Violet who was hurt during the Four Corner Feud earlier this month came in with in incredible 15 point jam. Cutthroat KC and Loca Lena of the Bruisers would then pick up 9 of their 10 points in the next two jams. Diana Saurus Wrexx would come back to give the Surlys a 13-point jam. Long time derby legend Paige Burner returns for a cameo appearance as a blocker on the Bruisers. In the final jam, Shedonist goes down hard in Turn 4 requiring an EMT. The Bru ran jammers team captain Cutthroat KC, Loca Lena and Shedonist. Poka Hi Ness was brought in for one jam. The Surlys ran the trinity rotation of Rayna Rage, Diana Saurus Wrexx and Gratuitous Violet. Surlys win this one 60-10.
Game 2 - Bad News Beaters vs. Brawlarinas
Now it’s time for AZRD’s other two teams to have a go at it. For the Beaters, we see the return of derby legend Deez Nutz, who has been on injured reserve for a good chunk of the season. The Brawlas would go scoreless for the first 5 jams while the Beaters running jammers Deez Nutz, Sweet Candy Cannons and Vixen Tequila would pick up 14. The Brawlarinas would pick up their first points in the 6th jam with an 11 point jam by French Lyck. In the next jam we had another scare as Destructo Kitty goes down in turn 1, crawls away from the track and required EMT attention. The Beaters would continue then to score in each jam. The Brawlarinas would see their only other points in the final jam where French Lyck scored another 4 points. Brawlarinas also dispatched jammers Nico De Gallo, Hacker Too Pieces and Certified Luna Chick to the line. Beaters over the Brwlaz 38-15.
Game 3 - Bad News Beaters vs. Bruisers
After a massive upset by the Surlys in game 1 and a little breathing time to regroup, we saw a very different Bruiser team in game 3. After her injury in game 3, Shedonist was replaced in the jammer rotation by Dirty Dutchess. The Bruisers also stick with Cuttroat KC and Loca Lena in the jammer roation. This time, the Bruisers come out on fire outscoring the Beaters in the first five jams 17-8. The Beaters would then rally back with jammers Deez Nutz, Sweet Cnady Cannons, Vixen Tequila and Joby Wan and Only. By the time the mini-bout hit the midway point, the Beaters managed to catch up to the Bru. Score tied at 17. Three jams later, the Beaters lock up their win with an incredible 19 point jam by Deez Nutz. While the Bruisers slightly outscored the Beaters in the final 3 jams, the Nutz jam saved the fingernails of a castle full of derby fans. 46-29, Beaters.
Game 4 - Brawlarinas vs. Surly Gurlies
The luck of the purple was just not there as the tutus only managed to score 2 points in the first 5 jams against the Surly’s 15. In the 5th jam, we get another scare as all of the on-track skaters took a knee because the Brawlas’ Destructo Kitty goes down again, this time in turn 3. The jam is stopped as EMTs look over her. She got up and was escorted off with assistance. Two jams later, Gratuitous Violet manages a triple grand-slam (15 points) to double the Surly score. It’s now 30-2. The Brawlies then tag team jammers Hacker Too Pieces and French Lyck to try to close the margin. The Surlys would continue to outscore them including an 11 point jam by Diana Saurus Wrexx. In the final jam with a comfortable lead, the Surlys put RUM Bunctious to the line against French Lyck. Game ends with the Surlys picking up their second win, 55-19 over the Brawlarinas.
Game 5 - Brawlarinas vs. Bruisers
By the time we got to Game 5, it was already after 10PM. Way too many time outs in the first 4 bouts put the night way behind schedule. It was decided that because of the late hour and the fact that since the Brawlas and the Bruisers lost their first and second round games and there is no way that either could win the championship, AZRD would forego this game and continue with Game 6.
Game 6 - Surly Gurlies vs. Beaters
The stage has been set for the “true” championship bout. Derby lovers both on the floor and behind the glass at the Castle have experienced some real championship derby as both teams were playing more aggressive than ever. The knew what was at stake. Surlys ran the trinity jammer rotation with 8 and 9 point jams by Gratuitous Violet. The Beaters with Deez Nutz, Sweet Candy Cannons an Vixen Tequila only managed to pick up 15 points by the final jam. In the third jam, Vixen Tequila did pass the star to Messy Missy. In the final jam, Sweet Candy Cannons gets the lead jam for the Beaters but this jam was very special for Diana Saurus Wrexx, who is leaving AZRD after this game. While the Beaters could have called off this jam at anytime, they let this jam continue as to let Diana finish her time at AZRD with a bang, a 12 point final jam. The crowd was on fire for this last two minutes of final jam derby. The Surly Gurlies win this mini-bout 48-16 over the Beaters.
The Surly Gurlies win the AZRD championship for the 2008-2009 season. This is the first championship title for the Surly Gurlies in the 6-season history of Arizona Roller Derby.
While we talked primarily about the jammers in these summaries, let’s not forget about the very hard work that the other 80% of the skaters are doing. The blocking was very incredible in all of the games, especially in Game 6.
AZRD has announced that they will have an all-star bout on June 13. Lineups will be announced later.
This was a very incredible season for AZRD as they bounce back from the rough seas they experienced in Season 5. The return to the Castle, the leadership changes and a vast improvement on the fan experience has brought the fans back to the Castle. Despite the heavy competition in the Phoenix market for the fan’s derby dollar, AZRD is still a high quality game of roller derby in a fan friendly atmosphere. Michi-chan Rollersports Productions would like to thank AZRD for the great hospitality and allowing us to share this incredible league with derby lovers worldwide.
AZRD Season 7 can only get better. Just watch.
Originally published in 2009 at the former DerbyData website.
